5 Real Buried Treasures that can actually make you rich!
by admin in Blog
There is lost treasure all over the place. Entire fortunes lost, the only people who knew their locations long dead. Seriously, you could go out and find some of this stuff today, and be rolling in gold coins by the end of the week. The problem is finding it…
#5. The Gold at the Bottom of Lake Guatavita
Lake Guatavita was a holy site for the native people of Colombia a few centuries ago. Every year, the chief of the ruling tribe would cover himself in gold dust, get on a boat, and throw gold and gems into the lake as a sacrifice to his god, presumably because no one else could find anything better to do with their national budget.
#4. Captain Kidd’s Treasure
Depending on what version you read, Captain Kidd was either a law abiding privateer or a stabtastically murderous pirate. Either way, he was arrested, tried for murder and piracy, and sentenced to hang.
In an attempt to delay his execution, Kidd claimed to have a huge stash of buried treasure, some of which was immediately found per his directions (Ted Bundy would later try a similar tactic to avoid execution, only replacing “stash of buried treasure” with “stash of buried women”). This essentially proved he was telling the truth, but the authorities hung him anyway, dipped his body in tar and dangled his corpse above the Thames River.
People are still searching for the rest of Kidd’s fabled loot.
#3. Montezuma’s Gold
When the Spanish conquistadors led by Hernan Cortes arrived in Tenochtitlan, the capital of the Aztec empire, they were greeted as returning gods because they were pale and had beards. If only it was that easy to impress people these days.
Despite their impeccable references, the Spanish turned out to not actually be gods at all. They installed themselves in the palace, forced their religion on the natives, led a brutal slaughter of 700 noblemen in the streets of Tenochtitlan and melted down all their golden statues to be transported back to Spain. Then they killed Montezuma, the king of the Aztec Empire, at which point the Aztec people decided they’d had entirely enough of these strange new douchebags, beards be damned.
The Spanish realized pretty quickly they needed to fight their way out of the city, so they could only pause to grab whatever they absolutely needed to survive, which roughly translated to “all the gold we can possibly carry.”
Gold weighs a shitload, and these soldiers who were already weighed down by armor took as much as 50-pounds of it each as they tried to flee. Did we mention Tenochtitlan was an island in the middle of a swamp? And that all bridges to get out had been removed?
In one night over half of Cortes’s men were killed, mostly due to drowning in the swamp under the weight of all the bullshit they were carrying. It is a night known in Spanish as “Noche Triste,” which in English means “just leave the fucking gold behind, you dick brained asstards.”
#2. The Oak Island Money Pit
In 1775, Daniel McGinnis was out walking on an island in Nova Scotia when he noticed a large hole in the ground with a tackle block hanging from a tree above it.
This is a picture of a tackle block.
McGinnis thought this was strange, considering Oak Island was unpopulated and not much use for anything outside of relaxing hikes and the disposal of dead hookers. He used the evidence at hand to deduce that without question, there was treasure to be had in that there pit. His claim sparked tons of treasure seekers that continue unabated to this day.
Theories about what is buried in the Oak Island Money Pit range anywhere from Black Beard’s pirate treasure to Marie Antoinette’s jewels. The most “compelling” piece of evidence is a rock slab pulled from the pit that allegedly says, “40-feet below, two-million pounds are buried.”
#1. Nazi Loot
Evidently dissatisfied with all the conquering and murdering they were currently engaged in, the Nazis hatched a plan at the height of their power to flood Britain and America with fake currency and destroy both countries’ economies. Part of this cunning plan included dropping the counterfeit money out of airplanes and assuming people wouldn’t notice a rainfall of pure cash or think that such a thing was unusual.
The plan was called Operation Bernhard and had it ever gone into effect it might have been successful. The notes the Nazis had forged by their various prisoners of war were so good they were almost indistinguishable from real currency. But in 1945, the project was canceled because Germany was getting punched in the bratwurst by America.
Not wanting to waste years of hard work, the Nazis packed up their printing presses, the fake notes and stolen gold and priceless art, and set off on a long hike up the Austrian Alps. Upon arriving at Lake Toplitz, they tossed every last bit of their riches right into the goddamned water.
Did we mention this lake is located so far up a mountain that fish can’t live in it below a certain depth because there’s no fucking oxygen? The Nazis didn’t just take their ball and go home. They took their ball and threw it into the goddamn sun.
Looks like you’ve got some packing to do. Feel free to hire us to help out, our ground penetrating technology can certainly do the trick! 😉
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